I joined the club

Ok, so I feel awful that I haven't set up a blog or kept a journal of my journey through motherhood and having the whole family life. So much has happened to me over the past year (well almost 2 years), that I've hardly had time to actually sit and jot down my thoughts. But I'm afraid if I don't document this experience somehow, that it will just become a collection of distant memories. I can remember when I was pregnant, how I actually bought a journal and even a special pen to write down thoughts, feelings and emotions I had experienced. I think I wrote in about 5 pages of it and it's now in storage somewhere, stuffed in some random box. Even though the intention was there, I just didnt have the time to keep up with it. So, I decided to take the bull by the horns and make the time to write something down. So here's the first official blog of The Murphy Show. I just hope I can keep this up!

Ok so, I'm a mother now! Holy crap! I feel like I just woke up one day and BAM! I'm a mom! I went from being a social butterfly...someone who was perfectly content with only having dogs, no curfew, few resposibilities, and a permanent boyfriend, to all of a sudden being a wife and a mother and having the whole nuclear family life. Who is this person I have become and where in the heck did she come from? I must admit that even though all of this is unfamiliar territory, I am SO THANKFUL this has happened to me. I can honestly say that through out this whole experience, it has allowed me to tap into unchartered potential that I thought I never had. I've got this beautiful little human who is a part of both of us. I can see the little smiles and faces he makes that look just like his dad. I can see the quirky little things he does that are the same things that I do too. I wasn't expecting this and being a mother was always a thought I had in the back of my head as "well, maybe someday." But here I am! And I must admit that I LOVE it. I love my son more than I thought I was ever capable. He is the very best of us. He is such a happy and curious little boy, who's smile is infectious and who I miss terribly, even if I'm away for just a few hours. He makes me want to be a better person and I can't imagine my life without him now.

As he grows and learns new things (which is every freaking day, it seems), I want to somehow take those memories and accomplishments and lock them in a vault to take out and treasure over and over. Does that sound bad or too over the top? It might to those who don't have kids. I must admit that I was one of those people at one time. I didn't understand how people could be so wrapped up in what their kid was doing....how they seemed to define their very existance based on the actions of their child. They always talked about what he/she figured out how to do or how cute they were or what was the color of poop they had that day. It was kind of disturbing how they couldn't seem to talk about anything else, other than their kid.

Ok, I get it now. I have officially joined the club.

Even though I still feel like myself (well most of the time anyway), I feel like I've made some great accomplishment...the selfless act of bringing something bigger than yourself into the world...nurturing, caring and loving it more than you love yourself. I made sure to not drink, not to smoke, not to eat crappy food, to get exercise, take my vitamins (even though they made me puke) and read every baby book I could get my hands on, took the stupid baby classes, all just so I could make sure I was going to give this kid the best possible life I could. He's almost 11 months now, and everyday, I think about how everything Matt and I do can shape his life and how it can affect the type of person he'll become. So I think this experience has made me a more aware, a more conscience person. I try not to obsess on things I do and how they might impact my child forever, like forgetting to brush my teeth before I go to bed or feeding him something that's not 100% organic, for example. Obsessing over that stuff can drive you crazy, if you let it. So, I just try to lead by example and just hope that my efforts and my love for this kid helps him turn out to be a decent human being. That's all I can ask for! It's just going to be a long journey getting there...one I'm so very thankful to be on!